Taking The First Step: Suggestions To People Called Out For Abusive Behavior by wispy cockles gender reader belgrade july 2004 10 Introduction What you see before you is a work in a progress and will likely remain so. I write this to encourage dialogue and to provide a resource to people dealing with difficult situations. I do not write this to provide answers to every situation where someone is accused of abuse. Every situation will have unique characteristics that require unique responses and courses of action. What I hope is that this will spark a dialogue about how people accused of rape or abuse or sexual assault should conduct themselves regardless of their feelings of guilt or innocence. As radical communities we need to have extensive dialogue about how to deal with abusive behaviour, and this is one current within that dialogue. We should ask ourselves many questions. What responsibilities does the accused have to upholding a "process of accountability" regardless of their feelings of guilt or innocence? As survivors and communities how do we hold abusers responsible? How do we create strong communities that are ready to deal with difficult and controversial situations without factionalizing or falling apart? Is it a priority to determine "guilt" or "innocence" or is it a priority to create processes that demand accountability and deconstruct privilege? There are some aspects of the ten suggestions I would like to explain first and foremost. We find ourselves in a world where the overwhelming amount of abuse occurs with men preying on women. It is a patriarchal phenomena. In this document I have used the gender neutral term s/he. I wish for survivors that fall outside of the male=assailant/female=survivor model to have visibility. I wish to speak to all abusers regardless of their gender. It is not an attempt to cloak the fact that abuse is largely perpetuated by men against women. Also in this document I do address people who feel that they have been falsely accused of whatever they've been accused of doing. My reason for doing this is mainly, because people who are in denial need to be spoken to, and they need to be held to standards of conduct that support an atmosphere that challenges privilege and oppression. It goes without saying that in the majority of instances when people are called out for abuse it is because, in fact, they abused the person(s). However, there exist a minority of instances in which people are falsely accused of things. This writing comes from the context of my own experience of dealing with accusations of sexually coercive behaviour. Accusations which were later revealed, by the person my accusers had pegged to be the "survivor", to have no validity. However, there were a good three months where, due to miscommunication and misunderstanding (take my advice, don't use e-mail to communicate about serious and emotionally charged issues), I honestly believed I was being accused by someone of manipulative and sexually coercive behaviour. I did a lot of self investigation and soul searching. Luckily, I had some great people to help me process through my conflicting feeling surrounding dealing with these very frightening accusations of abuse. This is my way of giving back to all those who gave so much to me, and to a radical community which inspires me. It is a product of a very real, very intense lived experience facing accusations of abuse, and the reflection that followed. I would like to say, in my opinion, that false accusations of abuse are themselves a form of emotional abuse. However, it is very important to keep a perspective about such things. The priority, in any situation, where someone is calling out someone else of abuse must clearly lay with the needs and desires of those claiming to have survived abuse. This is not to just err on the side of caution, as false accusations are by most accounts an extreme rarity. It is to support the beginnings of communities that trust those who stand up to those that hurt them. It is to support those that occupy the front lines in the struggle against hierarchy. Those beautiful souls who take the struggle home, where its most difficult, and those whose strength should be displayed, if they wish, on the covers of radical tabloids alongside photos of black blockers doing property alteration. Their militancy doesn't leave them when the demo or deed is done, they live it. Ten Suggestions For People Called Out For Abusive Behaviour 1. Be Honest, Stay Honest, Get Honest If you know that you hurt the person calling you out for abuse, acknowledge it. If you think its a possibility that you might have hurt them let them know. If you have any inkling that some way that you interacted with them might have compromised their dignity and boundaries let them know. The first step to dealing with our abusive tendencies is getting out of denial. Denial is like an infection. It starts in some locality (specific instances and situations, nitpicking at certain parts of an account of the situation[s]), and if untreated festers and eventually consumes us entirely. When we are able to vocalize that we are aware that something isn't quite right with our behaviour it brings us a step closer to dealing with it in a meaningful and honest way. 2. Respect Survivor Autonomy Survivor autonomy means that the survivor of abuse, and the survivor of abuse alone calls the shots concerning how abusive behaviour is dealt with. This means s/he calls the shots and you live with her/his decisions. You don't get to determine how or even if a mediation/confrontation happens, or initiate action towards a resolution. You get to make it explicitly clear that you respect their autonomy in the situation, and that you're willing to work towards a resolution. They may Taking The First Step: Suggestions To People Called Out For Abusive Behavior by wispy cockles gender reader belgrade july 2004 10 gender reader belgrade july 2004 11 prefer to never be in the same space with you again and don't wish to speak with you. It is not their responsibility, nor their duty, to attempt for resolution or enter into dialogue with you or take any specific course of action for that matter However it is your responsibility, as someone being called out, to respect their needs and desires. 3. Learn To Listen It is imperative that you open your ears and your heart to the person calling you out. This will likely be difficult, because people tend to get defensive and closed when they are accused of wrongdoing. Very few people in this world want to be pegged as the "bad apple of the "bunch" To listen you will need to keep your defensive and knee jerk reactionary tendencies in check. These suggestions could be very helpful to you: A) Let the person calling you out direct the dialogue. If they want you to answer questions do so, but otherwise let them have the floor. B) Be aware when you're formulating responses and counterpoints in your head while they're expressing their account of the situation(s), and attempt to stop doing so. C) Focus on their account of things, and save going over in your head how you remember things until after they have spoken. D) Reflect upon the entirety of what they expressed and not just the disparities between your and their account of events. E) Talk with your friends about how you can better listen before you enter a mediation/confrontation. 4. Practice Patience Sometimes things take time to be resolved. Sometimes it takes months, years, decades for a resolution, and sometimes there is no clear cut resolution. However, there is no timeline for resolution when human dignity is at stake. Be patient and never attempt to force a resolution. a process, or a dialogue. You may ask for a dialogue or a mediation, but if the answer is no it is no until s/he says it is yes. Don't attempt to wear down the boundaries of the person calling you out by asking for dialogue or mediation over and over again. Stay put, reflect, and think about the power dynamics in your relations with others. 5. Never, Ever, Blame The Victim S/he did not ask for violence or abuse. S/he did not ask for it in how s/he dressed. S/he didn't ask for it, because s/he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. S/he didn't ask for it, because s/he is a sex worker. S/he didn't ask for it because she chose to make out with you or because s/he went back to your place or because s/he is known to be into s/m or because she is a "tease" or because she is a "slut". S/he did not ask for it in anyway. It is not acceptable to write off his/her responses to your behaviour, because she is "hypersensitive" to 'your' threatening of abusive behaviour. It is not acceptable to say that s/he is "exaggerating" the abuse, because s/he is a feminist/queer liberationist/activist/punk/youth/"a PC thug"/etc. It is not acceptable to say that s/he is making it up, because s/he has a history of abuse or any other such nonsense. Making excuses for why someone is to blame for your hurtful actions are a way for you to avoid taking responsibility for 'your' fucked up behaviour. They expose you as a coward. 6. Speak For Yourself You can account for your experience and your experience and your experience alone. Don't ever assume that you can know how the person calling you out as an abuser experienced the situation(s). People walk down the same streets everyday and have very different experiences. This is a simple fact of life. It is, also, a very different experience to have the winds of privilege blowing against your back than to have the winds of oppression blowing in your face as you walk down those same streets. You cannot know how someone else felt at a certain moment, and so you should never presume that you have the right to judge the validity of their feelings. If they have expressed how they feel, then what you need to do, first and foremost, is to listen. It is important that you actively seek to understand theirs feelings. If you find that you simply cannot understand their feelings no matter how sincerely you try it is still not your place to judge the validity of them. 7. Don't Engage In Silence Behaviour By telling your "side of the story" you could be creating an atmosphere that silences people who have been abused. If you feel that their are major discrepancies between your account of the situation(s) and their account, and that you are being "falsely accused" take a deep breath. First you need to know that you can never stop sincerely investigating the yourself and questioning how your behaviour affects others ..the case is never closed. With time you might come to realize that, yes, in fact your behaviour was abusive. It is your responsibility to continuously challenge your notions about how your behaviours effect others, and to challenge your understandings of how you hold power over others in your relationships. Read books, enter into recovery programs for batterer'/sexual assailants, seek out a therapist, and discover your own ways of challenging yourself and your conceptions of how your behaviour effects others. Understand that if you attempt to silence the person(s) by promoting your account of things as "the truth" you will silence others as well. People will fear coming forward with their stories and fear confronting abuse, because of YOUR silencing behaviour. If you are committed to creating a world where people speak freely about the wrongs done to them you will want to avoid focusing on how the accusers are "lying" about you, and you will want to avoid airing your presumptions and theories as to their "motives". One example off the top of my head is how one particular rapist/sexual assailant passed out a list of 40 points of contention at a punk show to refute the stories of three women calling him out. The flyer went on and on about the disparities between these women's stories and the "truth". This is one blatant example of silencing behaviour, but it can act in far more subtle ways. Silencing behaviour is ANY behaviour which attempts to make the survivor of abuse out to the perpetrator of misinformation. It is any behaviour which attempts to make the abuser out to be the victim. It very quickly puts into question the character gender reader belgrade july 2004 11 gender reader belgrade july 2004 12 of the person calling out an abuser. Often it leads to a backlash against them both explicit (threats, harassment, violence) and implicit (endless questioning, non supportive behaviour i.e. "I don't want to get involved in this" or "I'm hearing a lot of different stories"). Silencing behaviour creates an atmosphere where people fear and don't call out their abusers, and therefore an atmosphere where abuse flourishes. However, this does not mean that you should not speak of how you experienced the situation(s) differently from the other person(s) calling you out. It simply means that it is your responsibility to do so in a way that is respectful and that does not help to foster an atmosphere of silence around abuse. You may need to relate your experiences to those with which you have close friendships/working relationships and to those that approach you, but as I said above speak for yourself. Do not intersperse their account with yours to illustrate the inconsistencies that you perceive. Do not relate the person(s) stories for them. Do not go on and on about how they should have called you out in a different manner. Do not talk about their shortcomings in the relationship/ friendship. Do not cast yourself in the role of the victim of a "witch hunt" or "cointelpro". Do not assert that they are lying, and if your account differs from theirs make it clear that this is how you and only you account for your experiences(s) of the situation(s). Let what you say be limited exclusively to your recollection. If you feel the need to vent find a good person to vent to whose outside of your immediate social scene/community (if you look hard enough you might find a therapist willing to work with you on a sliding scale basis, preferably find one with a radical/feminist analysis) or someone outside the scene/community altogether (who you know for sure has not been a victim of abuse). If you honestly believe you are being falsely accused your character will have to speak for yourself rather then you speaking for your character. 8. Don't Hide Behind Your Friends Often the people most vocal in defending abusers are not the abusers themselves, but their friends, comrades, and lovers. "But s/he's really a good person/activist/artist" or "S/he contributed so much to the community/scene" or "The person I know would never do something like that" are some common defensive reactions among many. If you feel that people are trying to insulate you from your problems or from questioning your actions....let them know that it isn't acceptable. You need to hear the criticisms and anger of the survivor(s) and their allies. As well you need to stop others from engaging in silencing behaviour. Let them know that if they truly care about you that instead of defending your character and reacting to the accusations they need to help you examine yourself and figure out ways of transforming dominating behaviours. 9. Respond To The Wishes of The Survivor and The Wishes Of The Community Taking responsibility for our harmful actions is an integral part of the healing process. You will need to respond to the wishes of the survivor and the community not just for their healing, but yours as well. If s/he or they wish that you be suspended from certain projects/activities or that you engage in a batterers/assailants program or that you do book reports on books about ending rape and abuse or if they want you to do anything within the realm of possibility don't argue with them....give them what they ask for. You need to show the survivor and the community that you are acting in good faith and that you are ready to deal with your problems of abuse or at the very least that you are willing to sincerely investigate the possibility that you engaged in abusive behaviour. You need to show the survivor and the community that you respect their autonomy and their ability to make decisions that meet their needs and desires for safety, healing, and ending oppression. Again if you want to live in a world free of abuse,rape, and oppression you will support survivor autonomy and community self-determination even if you feel you are being "falsely accused". . Do not engage in the silencing behaviour of attacking the demands and process of the survivor(s) or the community. This is what abusers and their supporters typically do to create a smokescreen of issues to take the heat off of themselves. 10. Take Responsibility.... Stop Abuse and Rape Before It Starts It takes a lot of courage and self-knowledge to admit that you've hurt someone, that you compromised their dignity and self worth, or that you used power over someone in the worst ways. It takes a lot of sincerity to make an apology without expecting to be applauded or thanked for it. However, this is what it will take to start overcoming our abusive tendencies. To know that you have wronged someone and to do otherwise is to perpetuate the hierarchy. It is to be more than simply complicit within it, but to actively support it. It will take honesty, diligent self investigation, and compassion to start to overcome our abusive tendencies. Once your able to admit that you have a problem with (sometimes or always) abusing people you can begin to learn how and why you do it. You can learn early warning signs that you're slipping back into old patterns, and you'll be better able to check yourself. My life has been a life of unlearning such patterns of abuse, of learning to reject the roles of both the abuser and the abused, and it is far from over. Bad habits are easily taken up again, and many times it is easy to assume that we are not wielding power over someone. We must persistently question this assumption just as we would demand that any assumption be questioned, lest it become dogma. It is crucial that we learn to ask for consent from our sexual partners. It is crucial that we learn to recognize aggressive and passive aggressive abuse in its various emotional, economic, physical, and sexual manifestations, and that we stop it before it escalates to more severe and harmful levels. We need to call it out when we are aware of it in other people, as well as ourselves This process is a process of overcoming of oppression, of rejecting the roles of oppressor and oppressed. It is a path that leads to freedom, and a path that is formed by walking. Will you take the first step? wispy cockles currently resides in Richmond VA where he organizez with the Richmond Queer Space Project and spins records with the 215noise crew. He can be contacted at 120 w marshall st or by e-mailing wispy@defenestrator.org gender reader belgrade july 2004 12 gender reader belgrade july 2004 13 Body Language Speaks Volumes by Anna Sandfield R eading feminist research on the subject of non- verbal behaviour was a revelation to Anna Sandfield. Here she explains how women and men's subconscious body language (touching, sitting, even smiling) can reinforce gender roles - without even being aware of it. We are all aware that a lot of interpersonal communication occurs through non-verbal gestures. In this piece I would like to discuss how important it is for feminists in particular to align our body language with our words. I believe that while we are acutely aware of the feminist potential of our words, occasionally we betray these strong statements with our bodies. Feminist educators have suggested that they see a concerning absence of this physical confidence in young women (Roberts, 2002) and sometimes I see it in myself. It is sometimes difficult to avoid the passive, unthreatening, ever-smiling feminine gestures that undercut any confident verbal rhetoric I espouse. This is something I am going to address with reference to feminist psychology on power and body language. The topic of 'non-verbal behaviour' (or 'body language') has received a lot of attention from the academic and popular press since the 70s second wave feminism. The event that inspired this article was reading a special issue of the journal 'Feminism & Psychology' on the work of Nancy Henley, and her book 'Body Politic', a classic feminist text now out of print. I could ill-afford the subscription that I took out last year to get my hands on that journal but was not disappointed. Nancy Henley's work had made its mark on me as an undergraduate student. As many authors in the special issue wrote, Henley's work makes an impression because as soon as you read it you can see the behaviour she describes all around you. Behaviour that reinforces gender order, asserts male dominance, and diminishes women is everywhere. We are doing it and most of the time we don't realise it. Touching The first thing that caught my attention was the idea of non-reciprocal touching as a gendered behaviour. 'Non-reciprocal touching' refers to instances where one person touches another, initiating the contact and not getting touched back. One of the many behaviours Nancy Henley identified was the extent to which men use non-reciprocal touching behaviour on women. When I say 'use' men are most likely unaware of doing this but, symbolically, it is a physical sign of control and dominance. Henley demonstrates that it is socially acceptable for men to touch women's bodies and thereby exert their will, in a way that it is not for women. Women, including myself, accept this behaviour, which Henley links to our patriarchal disempowerment. Though 'touching' might sound like an easily identifiable form of harassment it can be more subtle. A male acquaintance, with whom I get on well, recently 'tickled' me as a joke. It is hard to resist this kind of behaviour because it is not commonly acknowledged verbally - to speak of it is to make an issue if it and risk the 'frigid' label. I see men 'cuddling', lifting up, grabbing, touching and 'tickling' their female friends and colleagues regularly. In these instances they are taking a culturally sanctioned opportunity to touch women's bodies without their explicit permission. I do not see women or men in workplaces poke in the ribs or tickle male colleagues - it would not occur to me to do this but if it did I would refrain in order to avoid attracting unwanted sexual attention. I firmly believe that this form of unsolicited intimacy functions to make women, including myself, aware of our physicality, how we dress or stand in the workplace, our vulnerability to male physicality, and our relative powerlessness. Think of Victorian or modern family portraits showing fathers with their hands on the shoulders of their wives and children, signifying higher status and control. Also parents, coaches or bosses - those in more powerful positions might touch, pat or rub the heads or shoulders of less powerful others, in these instances pushing the person down, underlining the inferiority of that person. There may be many instances in which these touches are reciprocal and/or experienced positively. However it is the unwritten rule that more powerful and/or male others might touch us in a way that we may not touch them - thereby patriarchal power structures are reinforced. In Nancy Henley's case, a senior male position colleague positions his hands on her shoulders directly after discussing this very research. Smiling Moving on to another powerful aspect of non-verbal behaviour, have you heard of the 'smile boycott'? Of all the non-verbal behaviour experiments you can try this is probably the simplest, though it takes surprising effort. Go about your normal business in public/social places and do something radical - don't smile if you don't feel happy. Henley, following Shulamith Firestone (1977), contends that women are obliged to smile and acquiesce to men, who are under no such obligation, because they have the power. This is not to say that women perpetually try to charm men, rather that women have developed the 'cheery disposition' as a way of getting on where we are not in charge. Research has reinforced this connection between smiling and power, suggesting that powerful people only smile when they feel happy whereas those who are less powerful in social situations smile regardless Body Language Speaks Volumes by Anna Sandfield “ I am not recommending that we all adopt masculine-identified space-grabbing postures as some form of mimicry. However I am recommending that we think about how we take up space and position to our bodies..... an awareness of the power dynamics of non-verbal behaviour can only arm us with a better understanding of our relationships and ways of communicating” gender reader belgrade july 2004 13 gender reader belgrade july 2004 14 of their emotional state (LaFrance, 2002). This rootless smiling is associated with women and I do it, a lot. I smile perpetually and pair this with non-threatening body postures and movements in order to navigate the city I live in and avoid confrontations. By doing so I realise I am communicating that I am not powerful. I have repeatedly tried 'smile boycotts' (deliberately not smiling unless I am happy) which has proved extremely hard and not gone down well. Twice in the city centre I have attempted this and on both occasions male passersby, unknown to me, have commented that 'It might never happen' and suggested that I might 'Cheer up love'. I would never offer such advice to a dour looking man or woman on the street because to me it seems both impolite and risky. However, clearly these men, with no personal interest in my emotional state, felt it appropriate to comment on my appearance. In my opinion, I was transgressing standards of acceptable female behaviour - women are supposed to smile, to happily ornament the streets, something the men passing me on the street were policing. Sitting Another very simple way to examine power in nonverbal behaviour is to look at sitting positions and the space our bodies occupy. Men take up more space, we have all seen the people-watching TV documentaries that show males enacting territorial behaviours that are easily identified - they place their hands behind their heads, taking up more space and displaying their torsos and thereby demonstrating comfort in their power by exposing their bodies. Men also commonly sit with their knees apart both drawing attention to their genitalia and taking up more space (Davis & Weitz, 1981). Women, in contrast, characteristically tuck in our limbs and make ourselves look smaller. Public transport provides an ideal environment in which to observe this. Even before reading Henley I had noticed how women on trains and buses sit sometimes, they cross their legs, tuck their feet under seats, place bags on their laps (over their genitalia), and fold their arms over their breasts - the opposite to the male display. Sitting like this, which I did before I became aware of it, we make ourselves small and obscure the (different) shape of our bodies. I know there are many reasons why we might want to do this, including wanting to go unnoticed and consideration of other passengers, but this is a blatant non-verbal manifestation of patriarchy - we only need look at the man sitting opposite who has appropriated more room to stretch out his legs, put down his bags etc. It happens in classrooms too. I frequently attempt to resist this one. I sit with my legs uncrossed and knees apart, I unfold my arms and rest them openly one on each leg when they seem to gravitate towards being folded at my chest or crossing over my lap. I am comfortable in my body, I try not to let my positioning of it undermine me. I am not recommending that we all adopt masculine-identified space-grabbing postures as some form of mimicry. However I am recommending that we think about how we take up space and position to our bodies. As Nancy Henley notes, if you challenge these conventions you may encounter resistance. If you want to move away from non-verbally intimidating situations or make yourself smaller, you have my support. We should listen to our instincts, but I believe an awareness of the power dynamics of non-verbal behaviour can only arm us with a better understanding of our relationships and ways of communicating. Couples Another interesting site of non-verbal behaviour is the couple relationship, where a greater amount of touching behaviour occurs. Stereotypically romantic images, e.g., Mills & Boon book covers, wedding photos, often employ images of women being held against the chests of their male partners, with the man's arms around the outside of the woman. Symbolically, in this position, the man is in physical control. The woman's arms are pinned to her body and she can be cuddled or lifted, she is in a physically less powerful position than the man. Thinking about this led to the realisation that, unconsciously, I had opted for everyone who hugged me to enfold me in their arms (placing their arms around the outside of mine). In situations of greeting, affection and intimacy I was getting hugged, rather than hugging. As Henley suggests, women are expected to 'cuddle to' touch rather than assert their physicality onto others by touching them and I had been doing this. The unintentional message was that I wanted or needed to be protected. This is not the case so I am giving the other way of hugging a try, and predictably it's more difficult to change than I'd anticipated. This kind of awareness rapidly escalates, like all the best awakenings. When you hold hands which side do you stand on? You may not be aware of any pattern but research has shown that heterosexual women commonly stand on the side of their partner's dominant hand (right or left), allowing men increased access to touching women comfortably (Major, 1981). Now as my partner dislikes holding hands I'm mostly free of this one (phew, no experiment necessary!). However then I began to think about sleeping positions in a similar light. Which side of the bed do you sleep on? Does it give your partner access to you with their dominant hand but not you? It depends on how you are lying of course, and people move around more in bed so it's not as simple to identify - but it's worth thinking about, as all of these small behaviours contribute to the communication that makes up our relationships. What about where you usually sit on the sofa or in the car? Additionally I noticed some time ago that where pavement space is limited women tend to drop back behind male companions, like children walk behind a guardian or characters in films follow their action-hero/ine leaders who have the major weapons, to protect them from oncoming hazards. Women may move aside because they are more aware of the needs of others passing by and bound by politeness to make room for them, however if this was the case shouldn't women step in front of male companions at least some of the time? Until this occurred to me, I always dropped back, now I often drop forward. I do not require any companion of mine to police my path by moving to walk in front of me and therefore influencing my pace and progress. It's just another thing to think about. gender reader belgrade july 2004 14 gender reader belgrade july 2004 15 Principles and Practice of Anti- Final thoughts You may think I'm going over the top and you are entitled to that opinion. You may also think that a lot has changed since Nancy Henley was writing in the 70s and that 'body language' is no longer an important issue. I hope that in the above examples I have demonstrated that it is both important and current and that manifestations of patriarchal hierarchy are all around us in this form. I think that Nancy Henley and those who have continued researching this area are right, we need to think about what we learn to say outside words. If you are intrigued I recommend that you seek out Henley's work, she provides excellent practical advice for women and men. This is an arena where once they are identified, it is easy to see power differences and get to work at resisting them, at communicating with our bodies that we are confident and capable and physically present women. Essentially I want all women to behave in physically and psychologically comfortable ways and if they choose the behaviours that I seek to resist then I support this. However I don't want us to mistake the non-verbal behaviours patriarchal society has taught us for what we have chosen. Just as we think carefully about what we say, I propose that we can and should examine and be aware of our non-verbal behaviour. References Davis, Martha & Weitz, Shirley (1981) Sex Differences in Body Movements and Positions. In C. Mayo & N. Henley (Eds). Gender & nonverbal behaviour. New York: Springer-Verlag. Firestone, Shulamith (1977) The dialectic of sex: the case for feminist revolution. London: Cape. Henley, Nancy (1977). Body Politics: Power, Sex and Nonverbal Communication. NY: Simon and Schuster. LaFrance, Marianne (2002). Smile Boycotts and Other Body Politics, Feminism & Psychology, Vol. 12 (3): 319-323. Major, Brenda (1981) Gender Patterns in Touching Behaviour. In C. Mayo & N. Henley (Eds). Gender & nonverbal behaviour. New York: Springer-Verlag. Roberts, Tomi-Ann (2002). The Woman in the Body, Feminism & Psychology, Vol. 12 (3): 324-329. Principles · Power and privilege play out in our group dynamics and we must continually struggle with how we challenge power and privilege in our practice. · We can only identify how power and privilege play out when we are conscious and committed to understanding how racism, sexism, homophobia, and all other forms of oppression affect each one of us. · Until we are clearly committed to anti-oppression practice all forms of oppression will continue to divide our movements and weaken our power. · Developing a anti-oppression practice is life long work and requires a life long commitment. No single workshop is sufficient for learning to change one's behaviors. We are all vulnerable to being oppressive and we need to continuously struggle with these issues. · Dialogue and discussion are necessary and we need to learn how to listen non defensively and communicate respectfully if we are going to have effective anti-oppression practice. Challenge yourself to be honest and open and take risks to address oppression head on. Practice These practices are based on a series on conversations on the issue of racism. We recognize that there are many other forms of oppression that must be addressed. We have taken these practices and attempted to generalize them to other forms of oppression. This list is a beginning and it needs to be expanded upon. In the future we will continue discussions on all forms of oppression. · When witnessing or experiencing racism, sexism, etc interrupt the behavior and address it on the spot or later; either one on one, or with a few allies. · Give people the benefit of the doubt. Think about ways to address behavior that will encourage change and try to encourage dialogue, not debate. · Keep space open for anti-oppression discussions; try focusing on one form of oppression at a time - sexism, racism, classism, etc. · Respect different styles of leadership and communication. · White people need to take responsibility for holding other white people accountable. · Try not to call people out because they are not speaking. · Be conscious of how much space you take up or how much you speak. · Be conscious of how your language may perpetuate oppression. · Don't push people to do things just because of their race and gender, base it on their word and experience and skills. · Promote anti-oppression in everything you do, in and outside of activist space. · Avoid generalizing feelings, thoughts, behaviors etc. to a whole group · Set anti-oppression goals and continually evaluate whether or not you are meeting them. · Don't feel guilty, feel motivated. Realizing that you are part of the problem doesn't mean you can't be an active part of the solution! (From the Los Angeles Direct Action Network) gender reader belgrade july 2004 15 Women’s Working Power in the Process of Transition -Comments on the Labor Law Proposals by Zorka Vujatovic-Zakic gender reader belgrade july 2004 16 The process of employment is rather simplified in comparison to the previous one. It won't be obligatory any more to employ people through public competition. In other words, the employer isn't obliged to publicly announce a job vacancy. Employment conditions will be established by the employer, except general conditions that are provided by the legislation (minimal age and general health capability). The process of making workers redundant is to be simplified. The employer won't be obliged to conduct a disciplinary procedure - which is probably the biggest news of this change in the law, which means that employers can sack employees at their own discretion. The new proposed law no longer has any prescribed court procedures for dealing with working disputes, again leaving workers in a very vulnerable position. The new proposed law gives nine reasons for which the employer can fire employees, which gives them much authority. One of these sackable offences is the "violation of the working obligation", but the employer is not obliged to specify what exactly is the nature of this violation, making it possible for them to sack employees for pretty much any reason. Instead of the previous concept of guaranteed earnings, the concept of minimal earnings is introduced but without being given a concrete figure. The "expenses" for workers are made redundant have been decreased - "forwarding charges" that employers have to pay to workers who are made redundant has been decreased. There are no listed and defined cases where it is possible to employ someone on a temporary basis - the employer has the opportunity to do so according to his/her needs. The law makes it possible that an employee works part-time whenever she/he makes such an agreement with the employer (in the law that is valid at the moment, there are numbered cases when employee may work part-time). Maternity leave is still 365 days but it is not clear if the earnings belong to the mother during the whole period. According to the explanations given by the Ministry in charge (published in daily newspapers), the first three months after delivery are treated as maternity leave and the period after that - up to 365 days after birth is called child care leave and it is possible that fathers can use it too "if the spouses make that agreement". This explanation still doesn't explain if those 365 day are paid or not. The proposed Law doesn't take into consideration breast-feeding breaks a woman leaving work during the day to breast-feed her baby maybe "violating her working obligations" and be fired. For taking care of a sick child leave is prolonged to five years (now it's three years). Paid leave for getting married or because of death in the family, has been shortened from seven to five working days. A pension is possible at the age of 65 (equal for men and women) and with at least 15 years of working experience. The proposed changes pays lip-service to the prohibition of discrimination based on race, skin color, sex, religion, political conviction, nationality, but the measures of protection against these forms of discrimination are very ambiguous. The new law doesn't take into consideration discrimination (being put in a less favorable position) of employees with familial obligations. Perhaps the two most important things to note with this law are: 1) Collective agreements that regulate relations between employer and employee are not obligatory for employers. 2) The law proposes equality of rights between directors of firms that are still have a majority of public-ownership and private firms' owners. That's why Association for Women's Initiatives recommends: * Postponing the enforcement of the Privatization Law and Labor Law until the new Constitution is passed or until the amendments which take into consideration women's working power have been passed. * Putting into the Constitution a prescription for a social market economy as it is in German Constitution * Changing the Privatization Law in imitation of that of the Slovenian which retains majority ownership of firms under the workers. Zorka Vujatovic-Zakic, PhD (Faculty of Economy, Belgrade), Comments on the Proposition of the Labor Law, Bulletin No. 12, Association for Women's Initiatives, Belgrade 2001 Women’s Working Power in the Process of Transition -Comments on the Labor Law Proposals by Zorka Vujatovic-Zakic gender reader belgrade july 2004 16 Why Women·s Cooperatives? gender reader belgrade july 2004 17 On July 2001, the new Privatization Law came into force, which radically changed the nature of workers' ownership of the capital of the firms in which they worked - the previous law meant that the privatization of the firm would leave them 60% of the ownership, whereas the new law means an obligatory sale of the majority of the firm's capital (70%), the proceeds of which goes into the state budget and not to the firm's funds. (See: Zorka Vujatovic-Zakic, PhD (Economical Faculty, Belgrade), Comments on the Proposition of the Labour Law, Buletin No. 12, Association for Women's Initiatives, Belgrade 2001 - the previous page). Until the period of transition, 40% of women were employed, and out of that number, 10% of them worked in private firms and in the "gray economy" and around 90% in public firms and in state services. With privatization, public firms disappear and state services are reduced so women who worked in the public sector are being made redundant on an enormous scale. The new Privatization Law puts all workers in an inferior position because it deprives them of the ownership over the public firms. Nevertheless, the decrease in women's working power is even more dramatic because women will be deprived of even the possibility to find solutions for themselves. The Association for Women's Initiatives is promoting the reaffirmation of the cooperation movement - collective workers organizations, as a desirable way of solving the problem of unemployed women since it is understood by definition that cooperatives are independent, democratic and economically stable organizations. Cooperative organisations where women who collectively pool a minimal amount of investment are able to initiate certain economic activities, represents a big step forward for women, whose lack of real estate, and therefore lack of credit from banks and other financial institutions, usually acts a barrier to this sort of entrepreneurship. Approximately less than 20% of women possess real estate; it is mainly owned by their male family members. When working for private firms, women don't have precisely defined working times, salary, health insurance or pension plans - they are far from independent. Programs of the economic adaptation and restructuring almost entirely ignore the possibility of founding cooperatives as an important but unexploited possibility for opening new working places. The public is largely unaware that cooperatives play a very important role in the economies of the all developed industrial countries as well as the fact that cooperatives may be organized in all sectors of economy (except the military industry). Today in Serbia only about 5% of women are able to have their own legally registered private working activities. For those in the less privileged 95% who wish to engage in this type of business, the alternative is to cooperatively associate and start collective activity - first to meet their own needs and later for the exchange of goods and services, while also developing opportunities and inroads into the wider economic market. During the past two years, ten women's cooperatives have been founded in Serbia and Montenegro in different activities (agricultural, health, educational, legal services and bookkeeping, tourism…) and they are associated in the Cooperatives Union. Economically supported this way, women have the opportunity to offer their knowledge and skills and ensure their existence. bosa.j@yubc.net Patterns of Patriarchy Commonly Observed within Social Justice Movements # Men talking over women # Men valuing other men’s comments over women’s comments # Men not sharing information with women # Men approaching primarily other men for ideas, information, direction, approval, etc. # Men adopting and taking credit for ideas originally put forward by women # Men doing a disproportionate share of the public work # Men not doing their share of non-public, less credited work such as cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, childcare, etc. # Men not taking sexism seriously # Men viewing themselves and other male activists as “above” sexism Why Women·s Cooperatives? gender reader belgrade july 2004 17 some links and resources gender reader belgrade july 2004 18 A Martian's View of Gender www.sexuality.org/l/transgen/wisgen.html If we want the aliens to understand us, we're going to have to do better The White Ribbon Campaign www.whiteribbon.ca/get_involved/default.asp?load=can-do What Every Man Can Do To Help End Men's Violence Against Women Anarcha-feminism and Gender Anarchy www.geocities.com/sallydarity/ Centre For Gender Sanity www.gendersanity.com/index.shtml A refuge from male/female dichotomies, sex-based stereotypes, and other gender madness... Anarcha-Feminism & Gender Anarchy www.geocities.com/sallydarity/ Providing an anarcha-feminist resource guide Channel 4's Gender Games www.channel4.com/science/microsites/B/battle_sexes/gen derlab_experiment.html What goes on in the minds of men and women? Here is your chance to try the experiment that aimed to find out just that. Georgie Girl www.pbs.org/pov/pov2003/georgiegirl/special_quiz.html Radical Feminism! www.geocities.com/jennifercat3/links.html HOW TO MANAGE ANGER http://home.plymouth.ac.uk/services/couns/couself9.htm More Anger Management Tips www.ad.rhul.ac.uk/counselling/anger.html Anger In Relationships www.icounselling.co.uk/anger_in_relationships.shtml more top tips on not blowing yer top Body Image Resources http://womensstudies.homestead.com/ourbodies.html Encouraging Positive Body Image and Ending the Objectification of Women's Bodies in the Media and Society at Large xy: men, masculinities and gender politics www.xyonline.net/ XY is a website focused on men, masculinities and gender politics. XY is a space for the exploration of issues of gender and sexuality, the daily issues of men's and women's lives, and practical discussion of personal and social change. Intercourse: Talking Sex www.intercourse.org.uk/ Devoted to encouraging people to develop comfortable and positive ways of thinking and talking about sex, sexuality and relationships. School of the Americas Watch Resources Page www.soaw.org/new/article.php?id=530 Lots of great resources and articles not just on genderbased oppression, but also ageism, classism, racism, antisemitism….. really worth a look Crossover camp gender reader www.summercamp.squat.net/reader.english.pdf www.summercamp.squat.net/reader.german.pdf 90 page and much more well thought out and preplanned gender reader from a conference that took place in Bremen in 2002. Very interesting stuff Action-orientated feminist art guerrillas http://www.guerrillagirls.com/ La Eskalera Karakola - A long running feminist squat in Madrid.... lots of great stuff in Spanish and English www.sindominio.net/karakola/ Women spacework - cyber-feminism and activism (Germand and English) www.wspacework.de/index.html Women of Colour Web - For and by women of colour www.hsph.harvard.edu/grhf/WoC/index.html First Story - women building / new narratives for the 21 century www.firststory.net/ The Lesbian Avengers - Legendary direct action dykes raising the visibility of lesbian issues www.actupny.org/documents/Avengers.html The Street Harassment Project - To fight street harassment of women by men in all of its forms www.streetharassmentproject.org/index.html Womens study resources http://bailiwick.lib.uiowa.edu/wstudies/theory.html The global fund for women - funding different womenrelated projects around the world www.globalfundforwomen.org/ Mamacash - Independent foundation based in Holland supporting women’s initiatives www.mamacash.nl/ Belgrade Pride - Campaign against homphobia in Serbia www.belgradepride.org Pimiento Verde sobre el género - muchos articulos en castellano www.escanda.org Queeruption - archives and links from the occasional anarcho-queer gatherings www.queeruption.org some links and resources gender reader belgrade july 2004 18 gender reader belgrade july 2004 19 Have you had too few partners? Or too many? Do you act gay? Or not gay enough? Do you masturbate enough? Or maybe too much? Do you use the best positions? Have you got the right techniques? Is your body the right size and shape? Are your clothes and hair fashionable? Do you respect other people? Are your needs and desires satisfied? Are you comfortable talking about sex? Are you happy? This leaflet is about the damaging idea that there is some way to be normal when it comes to sex -- and what you can do about it. For other Intercourse leaflets, please send UK stamps. Donations (and feedback) are always welcome! We are encouraged to ask ourselves, ‘Am I normal?’ Some things you could do Share this leaflet with others -- hopefully it will spark off interesting conversations. Gently challenge assumptions about sex -- your own and others’. Try not to make knee-jerk reactions, deciding that something is completely right or completely wrong. Life is rarely black and white. Find ways of helping yourself feel sexy without buying into what advertisers try to sell you. It might be fun to play with your appearance. Try taking emotional risks -- being honest about our fears and desires is frightening. But the more we do it, the more we learn that we are not alone. Few people really feel as confident as they act! If you are feeling anxious about sex or anything else, really, find someone to talk to about it. Telephone helplines can be good if you feel uncomfortable talking with someone you know. Try not to judge other people for their consensual sexual desires, fantasies, behaviours or relationships. When communicating with current or prospective sexual partners, remember to respect their needs and desires. Listen to them & their body language. Support open discussion about sex and relationships, whether it's in schools, in homes, at work or out with your friends. Ask questions and listen. You can learn a lot that way. Get support – it can be risky to challenge ideas about sex. Practise and support can help a lot! Free/Donation Are you normal? (sexually speaking) http://www.intercourse.org.uk info@intercourse.org.uk c/o 17 West Montgomery Place Edinburgh EH7 5HA Intercourse is a non-profit, participatory network devoted to encouraging people to develop comfortable and positive ways of thinking and talking about sex, sexuality and relationships. (c)opyleft Intercourse 2004. Please copy and distribute. Legal speak: This leaflet is free (as in freedom); you can copy and/or modify it, under the terms of the Creative Commons ShareAlike License. See http://creativecommons.org/licenses/sa/1.0/ if you’re really interested. We would be thrilled to hear what you do with it! But there are better questions! gender reader belgrade july 2004 19